Rhythm of Goodbye
by blackwidow73
Summary: Margaret's life has gone haywire since her son has been drafted into the Vietnam war and she can't get a hold of the one person she needs to talk to the most, Hawkeye. Trapper/Margaret, some Hawkeye/Margaret. Post series.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Happily Ever After

No such address. As expected as it was, it still hurt to see the red stamp on the envelope that she had carefully addressed to the man that had changed her life.

Seven years had passed since the last time that Margaret had had any real contact with Hawkeye. It was at his father's funeral. Hawkeye had taken it upon himself to write her a letter, explaining everything that happened and thanked her being by his side in his final years and for allowing him to be apart of his grandson's life.

So many things had changed in the past twenty years, her life doing a complete one-eighty. Now she was married, had four kids of her own and two stepchildren. She had only recently started back to work, a few years ago when her youngest started high school. Her entire life she had looked down on the idea of being a stay at home mom, thinking that it would be boring and not as fulfilling as an army job. There was never a boring moment, and she was proud of her children. All of them.

Sighing, she tossed the letter down onto the kitchen table. She found herself sitting alone in the kitchen more often than she used to. It had become more quiet as of recent, but so had the rest of the house. She would work morning shifts, so she was gone when everyone else was getting up in the morning. Then she would get home before Ally and Mike would return from school. Trapper seemed to be working later and later shifts. Kathy, Becky, Johnny, and Renee weren't there anymore.

Now however, everyone was home. It was early in the evening as the orange light filtered through the blinds from the window right beside the table. Trapper was up in his study, the kids each in their rooms. No one really wanted to talk to each other. No one wanted to be the first to try and start some normal conversation. And right now, she felt lonelier than she ever had when she was spending her time alone.

Margaret's eyes were glued to the envelope. All she wanted was for things to go back to the way that they used to be. It was less than a year ago, she was helping Becky pick out baby clothes, Kathy plan a wedding. Johnny was looking for an apartment since he had gotten hired in at the steel mill. Renee was learning how to drive while Ally was going through her reinventive phase. Mike was working up the courage to ask out a girl that he had liked for the longest time. Everyone was moving onto better things, growing and maturing.

That had all come to a hault. Becky and her husband were living in another state with their baby boy, Eric, probably the only happy thing. Kathy was supposed to get married last week, but they postponed the wedding. Johnny was somewhere in Vietnam while Ally sat alone in the room that she used to share with Renee. It had been months, and no one wanted to be the one to change anything about her side of the room.

She needed to talk to someone, she needed to talk to him. She and Trapper were talking less and less, the kids weren't doing all that well. She needed Hawkeye. He was always able to help her, to say the right thing at the right time. He knew when to be funny to cheer her up and when to be serious. And she had to tell him about Johnny. Being his father, he deserved to know.

"Hear from him?"

Margaret slightly jumped at the voice, turning around to see her husband standing there. He was leaning in the doorway, his shoulder pressed against the frame. He hadn't shaved today, nor had he bothered to even change his clothes. None of that bothered her, not nearly as much as the stench of gin that followed him.

"No," she flatly replied.

Turning back around in her seat, she looked back to the returned letter. It was always hard to get ahold of Hawkeye. At least when his father was alive, he would keep in touch with him, which in turn made it easier to find him. Ever since then though, he seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. He would show up to random events, like Johnny's graduation, but he would never talk to anyone. He would just stay in the back and observe. It were as if he was afraid to get close.

"I was thinking about writing BJ again. He might have some clue where he's at," she mentioned.

Trapper pushed himself away from the frame and walk over towards Margaret. He grabbed her shoulders and began massaging them. As bad as he felt, he knew that she had to feel ten times worse. It hurt him to not be able to do anything to help her. It was frustrating.

"I'm sure if he knew where he was, he would be personally dragging him over here," he stated.

Margaret just nodded. She knew that he was right. They had talked to BJ before, he knew what was going on with Hawkeye, just as much as they knew. And now with everyone coming into town next weekend, she was pretty sure that BJ would be calling if he had any idea where the man was hiding.

There was suddenly a knock at the door, causing them to both softly groan. Now was not the time. The last thing they needed was to be dealing with guests.

"Let's go see who it is," Margaret said as she got up from her seat. She grabbed onto Trapper's hand and started guiding him to the door.

The two reluctantly walked together, deciding to just get this over with as soon as possible. Once they stopped, Trapped pulled away from her and stood back while Margaret went and opened the door.

Her mouth fell open, her eyes widened. Trapper took a step forward, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Renee?" He asked.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Welcome Home

Margaret instantly went and embraced the girl. "Where the hell have you been?" She yelled, the tone of her voice harshly contrasting her actions.

Quickly, she pulled back away from the girl, her hands clutching onto her daughter's shoulders. As much as she missed her, she was angry with her for thinking that it was okay to do what she did.

"Do you realize how scared your father and I were? Do you even realize what could have happened to you?" Margaret yelled.

Renee was about to speak, but Trapper stepped forward and hugged her. "Just go upstairs and we'll figure out what to do with you," he told her right before he let go of her.

Renee knew that what she had done was wrong, but it felt so right to do at the moment. There was something so freeing in running away from home. And it was great for a while. She was able to do whatever it was that she wanted, she worked when she could and partied whenever she felt like it.

At the end of the day though, there were a few things that went wrong. There were things that she needed to talk to her parents about, the fact that she still needed them around for whenever things didn't turn out how they should. In the past few weeks she had been hurt worse than she ever thought that she could be hurt and now all she wanted was to be at home with her family.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she walked passed the two to head up the stairs.

Margaret stood there, watching as she made her way up the stairs. Not too long ago she was convinced that she would never see her again, and here she was. She was surprised, angry, excited. She wasn't even fully sure of what it was that she was feeling. The only thing that brought her out of her daze was when Trapper closed the door behind her.

"So, she's home now," he awkwardly mentioned.

He knew that they would have to talk about this privately, decide what to do with her. They would have to punish her, even if they felt that she might have been punished enough out there. After all she wouldn't have returned home if everything was fine. Then they would have to talk to her, figure out what happened and find out why it was she ran in the first place. Then ground her or whatever they would decide. All he wanted was to go ahead and get the conversation started and over with.

"Yeah," Margaret absently replied, tightly wrapping her arms around herself.

She started back towards the kitchen, her head down as she walked. Trapper followed her, only a few steps behind. As the two entered the room, they went and took seats across from each other at the table.

"I don't know what to say when I get up there," Margaret practically blurted out, slouching back in her seat.

Trapper let out a single laugh as he shook his head. "I don't either," he admitted before covering his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes.

Margaret let out an exasperated sigh, looking to her husband for some form of advice as if he had all the answers.

"I feel like if we do anything too much she'll just run away again," she mentioned.

Trapper laughed. "She certainly had no problem doing that the first time around," he remarked.

It wasn't funny, but he needed something to laugh about here. She was home, safe and unharmed so it wasn't all that bad of a situation.

"I'm serious, John. We need to be careful here," she snapped. "I can't have her running off again."

Trapper stood up and paced over towards the sink, grabbing himself a glass of water. He knew that Margaret was scared, and with good reasoning, but they had to punish her. Renee did something horrible, she just up and left. They had to show her that was wrong and that there were consequences. He agreed that they did have to be careful, but they couldn't baby her.

"Well we can't leave her home alone for a while," he stated before chugging down the glass.

"I know," she dryly replied.

Trapper turned around and leaned back against the sink. "And I think it's safe to say that she can't be allowed to have a boyfriend for a while and that we have to see who it is that she's hanging out with."

Margaret looked to him with annoyance. She knew that there was no way that they could trust her with a boyfriend. The friend thing, however, was a bit much.

"Are you forgetting that she's sixteen and that we also have two other teenagers in this house that we are responsible for? There is no way that we would ever be able to keep track of every single person that she's with throughout the day," she explained.

"What are you saying? That neither of us is capable of watching our own daughter?" He asked.

"I'm saying that we can't smother her!" She argued.

Trapper sighed in defeat. "Maybe we oughta just let her get settled in and see how she is, take things from there," he suggested.

It sounded very passive and like they were going to just let her get away without a punishment, but Margaret couldn't think of anything better. And there was a lot going on right now, enough that they had to deal with at the moment. She should just be happy that her daughter was okay and leave it at that.

"All right," she distantly replied.

oooooo

Ally sat on her bed as she watched her older sister unpack the small amount of things that she had taken with her when she left. It was weird for her, seeing the other half of this room occupied once again. It had just been so long that she thought she would never Renee.

"What was it like?" She inquired, her eyes glued to the tattoo that she had painted onto her side. At least, she hoped that it was painted.

Renee laughed, not even looking away from the small pile she made of the clothes that needed to be washed. "Different," she answered for lack of a better word.

"What happened?"

That was the question that caused her to pause and turn to her little sister. There was a lot to that answer. She had pretty much done everything. Drugs, alcohol, road trips, singing, dancing, meeting the love of her life, getting dumped by the love of her life, having a baby. She had been gone only a little over a year, and yet it felt like a lifetime.

"Not too much. It was like a really long party," she lied, hoping to get her sister to stop asking her questions.

It wasn't so much that Ally was annoying her, it was just that she didn't want to think about it anymore. She came home for a reason, she was done with it all. She wanted to try and get back into the life that she had before she left.

Ally looked to her, sitting forward with fascination. A long, never ending party. That, to her, sounded amazing. She wanted to go now. She wanted to see for herself what it was like out there.

"Really?" She questioned, the excitement ringing clear in her voice.

Renee heavily sighed as she went back to her unpacking. "It's not what you think Ally. You're better off staying home. I wouldn't have come back here if it were all that great," she explained.

Ally had always felt as though she were missing out on something. Whether it be things that Renee and Johnny go to do or things that her friends were doing, she was always the one that was left out of everything.

All she really wanted was the chance to be able to go out and do whatever she wanted. She didn't want the curfew and the restricting rules. She didn't want to have to worry about waking up early the next day for school and having chores to come home too. A weekend, that's all she wanted, a weekend to do whatever she wanted.

"It sure took you a long time to come back," she remarked, knowing full well that there had to have been a reason that Renee was gone for so long.

"Will you stop it already!?" Renee snapped. "You have no idea what it is that you are talking about. You wanna know why I came home? Because I couldn't take it anymore! The only reason it took me so long was because I was stuck. I didn't know what I was doing or how to get here! Alright?"

Ally just stared to her, sucking in her bottom lip as she searched for something, anything to say at the moment.

"I'm sorry," she uttered.

Renee calmed herself, instantly feeling bad for her little outburst. "No, I'm sorry," she said as she went to sit down beside her. "I just didn't want you trying the same thing. Because trust me, it's not worth it."

Ally looked to her, concerned. She had all these questions, but she wasn't even sure that she could ask them anymore.

"Did you hear about Johnny?" She inquired, feeling it to be the only safe question.

Renee furrowed her brow in confusion. "What? You mean that he was drafted?" She asked.

Ally shook her head. "No. That he never came back," she informed her.

Renee thickly swallowed, looking to her little sister with disbelief. "What do you mean he never came back?" She implored. It was rather obvious what it meant, but she couldn't believe it. There was no way that her big brother was just not coming home.

"If they don't find him in a couple of weeks, mom and dad are going to start making plans for a service," she explained.

In all honesty, Ally had figured that that might have been the main reason that she had returned home, even if it seemed impossible. There must not have been a way for her to have known this. Either way, it was the only thing that her parents ever spoke about anymore. It was the very reason they would fight and both get emotional.

Renee just stared. It felt as though she had been kicked in the stomach. Her brother could be dead. It was a weird realization that she just could not come to. It just did not feel real.

"How long's he been missing?" She cautiously questioned.

"A month," Ally flatly replied.

A month. It wasn't really that long, but to Ally it had felt like an eternity. Everytime the phone would ring or there was someone at the door, there was this mixture of anxiety and dread that fell over the room. Any bit of good news that was brought home would soon be damped by the reminder of the harsh reality that their Johnny could be dead.

Renee sat back against the wall, defeated. She didn't know what to do, what to say, not even what to feel.

"Johnny," she whispered, getting ready to cry as she leaned back her head.

"Yeah," Ally replied.


End file.
